VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 1: READ
“Intended for Pleasure” by Dr. Ed Wheat.
This was first recommended to me by a friend before I got married. Then when in PT school my fabulous mentor, Lori Mize, showed me it’s place in pelvic health practice.
It is incredibly helpful to those who are about to experience sex for the first time – it speaks to both partners (which I ) and importance of their roles, understanding anatomy, how things work, perineal stretching etc. It might be a tad dated and modest for folks these days, but I still recommend it to my clients when appropriate, even if it’s just excerpts of the book that apply to their situation.
Once you read past the first part of the book, it moves into pregnancy, menopause, and how to enjoy sex in your elder years (which I hear may be the best years..).
Anyway, pick it up if you and your partner have a hard time connecting and understanding each other’s needs sexually, or if you are new to the coital ballgame. It can help prevent painful intercourse through understanding your anatomy and intimacy processes!
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 2: CONFIDENCE
Is there anything that makes you feel more vulnerable than sex? I mean, besides karaoke. In the bedroom (or area of choice) we lay it alllll out there – our body, our deepest emotions, our time (it better be good), our fantasies, etc.. you know all this.
We must be confident, we must adore the body that we have been given (pre AND post kids) in order to allow ourselves to become vulnerable to the highest degree and enjoy the most pleasurable thing on. this. earth. (even it is does only last a few seconds.. not talking about you, Ryan.💋)
Without confidence and the ability to be vulnerable our mind has difficulty focusing on that good gooood which can result in a body, and a vagina that isn’t ready for intercourse – if there is hesitation or anxiousness or fear or self-doubt, your pelvic floor muscles can tense, natural lubricant may not release and sex might be uncomfortable, painful, impossible..
So get to know your body, love on your body, let your partner love your body and just breathe it in babe, because we were designed for this.
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 3: LOOSEN UP
If you’re new to intercourse OR you’ve been at it for a while, but tend to have pain or difficulty with penetration/the whole process, this info is for you. Here is the link to the post: Loosen Up for Valentine’s Day
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 4: WATER
Drink a glass of water before you do the deed.
This will allow you to pee more easily after sex to help prevent UTI(s)
It is unnecessary and disrupts the natural flora of your vagina. Plus it will not help prevent UTIs or yeast infections (may even cause one).
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 4: WATERWIPES
I started using WaterWipes when my babe was born and I didn’t feel like making coconut water wipes at home anymore. I wanted something clean, nontoxic and effective for his little tush and I’ve never gone back to using anything else.
Since finding out these guys were super effective without all the other unnecessary junk ingredients (they have only water and like a drop of grapefruit seed extract), I realized women should also be using these instead of other vaginal/baby wipes! Because our tissues are SO absorbent, we need use only the cleanest products on our lady land.
As I’ve mentioned before, our vagina/vulva is a self-cleaning machine, so it doesn’t need or require soap or any other vaginal cleansing product. (how about the rest of my body catch on to this self-cleaning thing??!!).
So to freshen up before or after the Valentine’s Day dance, grab some WaterWipes!
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 6: STRENGTHEN.
You don’t have to be able to lift a donut with your vagina to have pleasurable sex. Although it probably wouldn’t hurt… then you’ve got snacks too.
Your pelvic floor muscles are sensitive to pressure which means the stronger they are and more aware you are in how/when to use them the more pleasurable sex could be.
Another benefit to a strong pelvic floor is that you may be able to achieve clitoral descent with a kegel which will help you reach that orgasm much easier!
Disclaimer: not everyone needs to take this advice and do more kegels or try to add them in with sex. You must first be able to control your pelvic floor, meaning knowing when it’s contracted and when it’s relaxed. Especially if you experience pain with sex.
Hit me up with questions! (Not about the vagina donut holding skills though. I can only help you find a donut)
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 7: LEARN
Learn the lay of your land.
In other words, find your clitoris. It is basically the gateway drug to orgasms. And the vast majority of women need some amount of clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm during, or aside from intercourse.
Those good “O” benefits:
- Increased blood flow to the pelvic floor muscles due to involuntary contractions, therefore improving strength and awareness which will help combat incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse.
- Release of oxytocin, which lowers cortisol (stress hormone) and makes us happier, less likely to gain weight AND will decrease your perception of pain. (that’s really like 4 reasons in one)
For those with pain during penetration, simultaneous clitoral stimulation may help relax your pelvic floor muscles to allow easier entry and improve your natural vaginal lubrication! Try it!
I learned the importance of orgasms in my very first pelvic health course years ago and was always hesitant to pass out that advice due to fear of what that patient might think of me for being so blunt. Now, not so much (obviously). We are talking about the pelvic floor and it’s complexity and this is just another fabulous way to activate and restore function!
Some of my favorite high quality gadgets for assisting women in achieving orgasms is from Dame Products. This is a company created by smart women on a mission to maximize female sexual pleasure. Here is a link to shop: Dame Products.
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 8:
Manage that pelvic organ prolapse (POP).
If you have a uterine, bladder or rectal prolapse (meaning a pelvic organ is close to, or IS falling out of your vagina), it might get in your way of having pain-free enjoyable sex. Normally it doesn’t interfere, but in some cases it does.
I think I’m naming this the “Sun’s out butt’s out” series. Each one is beneficial in helping lift those pelvic organs back up into their home. In this case, gravity is actually your friend and does the work here. You can add some kegels to further aid in moving those organs back up! Make sure you breath normally.
The first and last pictures are passive positions (unless you add kegels), but the middle pic is an active position (downward dog) – engaging lots of muscles. So if it’s too tough to coordinate it all, just stick with the first and last pic.
If you have POP, it would be beneficial to do these exercises daily, AND just before (or during) intercourse.
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 9: NONTOXIC CONDOMS
If you’re like me and have forever banned hormonal birth control from your bod, yet you’re not so trustworthy of your ovaries, you need a solid go-to condom.
As I’ve mentioned about 327 times before, our vaginas are like delicate little (or not) sponges that soak up whatever is put in them. Using products containing harmful chemicals can irritate the vagina and/or the vulva causing pain, burning, and infections. So it is wise to use the most nontoxic products you can find (especially if you already experience these symptoms) and this includes condoms.
Since the FDA doesn’t regulate what ingredients make up condoms & ingredients don’t have to be listed on the box, is has been difficult to find a safe one. Until Sustain Natural came to the rescue!
Sustain is one of the only companies I have found that produce condoms that are nontoxic. They are incredibly open about what ingredients they contain, which makes me love them that much more.
And as if that weren’t enough good news, Sustain has SO generously offered to give you all a 15% discount to use for your first purchase of their condoms (or lube)! Enter “underthewomanhood” at checkout and save your wallet 15% and your vagina from chemicals!! Click HERE to shop!
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 10: NONTOXIC LUBE
Many of us think that the amount of lubrication that naturally occurs in our vagina in preparation for sex is, or should, be enough. In some cases it is enough, but sometimes (or all the time) your vagina needs to use that phone a friend card and slather on some additional lubricant. And there should be zero shame in this! There is nothing wrong with you or your vagina.
The glands that secrete the lubrication rely on several different things like your mood, level of arousal, can a girl get some foreplay, are your hormones on point or MIA… etc. So don’t judge yourself for needing to use lube. No one else is.
Remember how our vagina is absorbent and things that go in it need to be nontoxic? Lube is no exception! So, you’ve already met SUSTAIN condoms, now meet their lubricant. It is safe (and effective) to use on your ladybits! I use this in my practice and have had zero negative feedback and it’s consistency is.on.point.
Again, the PROMO CODE to use for your first purchase of lube (or condoms): “underthewomanhood” for 15% off! Click HERE to shop!
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 11: BREATHE.
If you have pain with penetration and/or get anxious when it comes to sexy time, diaphragmatic breathing can help your pelvic floor AND your whole bod relax.
Bonus features: It also decreases blood pressure and your perception of pain. Yayeahhh!
Our diaphragm mimics pelvic floor movement, so when you inhale, the pelvic floor relaxes and slightly bulges and when you exhale, the pelvic floor returns to it’s comfort zone of supportive rest.
ok, a more simple way to imagine what’s happening: Breathe IN, diaphragm and pelvic floor move DOWN (relaxed). Breathe OUT, diaphragm and pelvic floor move UP.
Practice diaphragmatic breathing by putting your hands like mine (you can also do this lying down). When you INHALE, belly moves OUT, and when you EXHALE belly moves IN. You shouldn’t feel excessive movement from the hand on your chest. You want these chugs of air to come from dat belly.
Once you’ve got this down, do a little practice before he goes for the goal. Then as penetration begins, breathe IN to relax. And here’s an extra tip: relax your jaw as this will also contribute to a more relaxed pelvic floor.
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 12: LOVE LANGUAGE
Gifts, words of encouragement, physical touch… nope, nope and nope. The way to my (ehhemm) heart is through acts of service. Those services have broadened over the years from taking out the trash, putting gas in my car, and now doing ALL the dad things. Giving me time to work, play – making my life easier in any way is how the tickets go on sale.
What I’m saying here is that you’ve got have the love connection to have the love connection (you picking up what I’m putting down?).
Kids, stress, change, jobs, work schedules, sadness, pain, insecurity, etc. that is the stuff that makes pleasurable sex difficult for some. So to compensate for that junk, we’ve got to vocalize and follow through on the things that turn you AND your partner on.
BEHAVIOR/MENTALITY plays an enormous role in a successful sex life and is usually the first thing I focus on when seeing someone for painful intercourse.
So, figure out your love language, tell your partner and see how that plays out.
VALENTINE’S DAY PREP TIP 13: FOREPLAY
So many things happen during foreplay! Things like:
1. You have alone time with your man. (I’m counting this as a thing especially if you have kids or a job with long hours or both)
2. If you need a minute to get your mindset on board the sex train, here’s your chance to get on it.
3. Natural vaginal lubrication increases internally and externally. This can take from 10 seconds up to 3 minutes (or more if your mom/work brain hasn’t switched off) of sexual stimulation.
4. Orgasms can happen which can further increase vaginal lubrication and readiness for penetration. (But you may still need additional lube)
I get it. Physical foreplay requires time and energy and who honestly has that these days besides our toddlers? BUT it is totally worth it if you experience any discomfort with intercourse – it is a TOP recommendation I give to those clients of mine who struggle here.
If you don’t have the time to participate in physical foreplay, try a little mental twist – isn’t sexting supposed to be cool these days? Or if you still think you need to sign your name at the bottom of a text, you might be better off writing him a note on paper and putting it in his wallet or on his truck – then let the sexy mind games begin!
VALENTINE’S DAY & POSTPARTUM SEX
Click HERE to read a true story about postpartum sex (with a happy ending).
If any of you have questions, concerns, need help finding a pelvic health physical therapist in your area, please contact me! Here to help.